It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
