the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
