Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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