I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
