that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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