she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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