i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
