Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I understand Curling. That high.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
