Old men and throwing up are my life now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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