So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
