In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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