When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
