I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
