I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
