Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
