honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
