Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
