I just threw up on my dentist
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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