Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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