Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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