Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Found the puke drawer
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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