Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
