I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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