Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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