I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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