im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
