Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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