Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
