living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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