I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
