Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
