you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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