K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
