you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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