we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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