So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i need an iv and a liver transplant
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
