I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
