i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im having a threesome with these popsicles
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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