I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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