This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
