Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
