Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
