If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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