I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
