overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
