I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who died my cat blue again?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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