If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
