so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
