Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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