he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
