She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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