So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is wine microwaveable?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
