I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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